TOP STORY: NO-ROAST-FOR-MEOW Party?

First, there was the Tea Party, then, the Coffee Party, and now...The No-Roast-for-Meow Party?

The Headline News has received an insider tip, regarding the formation of The No-Roast-For-Meow Party. The Party is apparently plotting its initial meeting, and its leader, who remains unknown, is currently drawing up The Party's mission statement.

We have no further details on the matter, but if there is indeed any sort of party going on, we hope to be invited.

No word yet from Head Council Member E, The Council or Citizen Meow regarding their thoughts on the formation of The NRFMP (No-Roast-for-Meow Party.)

We will provide breaking coverage of this story as it unfolds.

TOP STORY: Council meeting derailed by bread-baking!

A shocking development in our on-going coverage involving The Council's scheduled meeting last evening...it appears that the meeting was once again postponed, due to Head Council Member E's attempt to bake a loaf of bread. The loaf in question took much longer than originally anticipated, and E was so thoroughly exhausted from her efforts that she retired shortly after the loaf emerged from the oven. Our reporter on the scene managed to cleverly snap the following EXCLUSIVE PHOTO early this morning:

The Culprit! (homemade bread)

The bread in question is a homemade loaf, with sun-dried tomato and asiago and parmesan cheese. Head Council Member E has confirmed plans to eat some of the bread later this evening, when she returns to The Lair.

Our reporter reports that Council Members Baron von Dracula and Lord Dreidel spent most of the evening at rest while waiting for the meeting that never transpired. Baron von Dracula briefly took position perched on the couch, in anticipation of the meeting, but as the night wore on, he retired to his cushion, where he assumed an unusual position, and took a nap. Limited Time Offer Skillet was not seen, and it is assumed that he remains in hiding, presumably in The Culinary Wing of The Lair.

Baron von Dracula waits, in vain...

No Council Members were available for comment, and no statement has been issued as to when the meeting will be rescheduled. It is also uncertain at this time whether or not there will be any bread for Citizen Meow.

TOP STORY: Council Pleas go ignored!

In a shockingly unusual turn of events from The Lair, it appears that The Council's plea for Head Council Member E to remain at Lair Headquarters was completely ignored, as she prepared for departure earlier this morning.

Lord Dreidel, in particular, did his best to restrain her on the bed, by settling upon his chest, and directing his full body weight (which is indeed notably significant) towards the efforts. However, E was able to overcome Lord Dreidel's efforts, while Baron von Dracula observed the activity from his favorite spot on the couch. Just moments before she was to leave the premises, the Baron made a last ditch effort to keep E at the Lair, by sprawling out in an extremely unusual pose, which was obviously crafted to cause a ruse. While this attempt did indeed cause momentary alarm, E promptly left the premises after she investigated the situation, and determined that The Baron was not in need of medical attention.

Although The Council has yet to issue a formal statement, our reporter on the scene claims that the apparent threat of rain seems to be the motivation behind The Council's actions. Although it should be noted that Limited Time Offer Skillet took no part in the attempts to keep E at The Lair. We are currently awaiting a statement from E herself, and we will update you as soon as it becomes available.

BREAKING NEWS: Expired Dill threatens Lair Pantry...Council deliberates their next move.

This just in from The Lair...it appears that a container of dried dill, that had resided within the spice cabinet of the culinary wing of The Lair, turned out to be expired, by over a year. The dill apparently expired sometime in February of 2009, yet has been used at The Lair as recently as yesterday...this may explain some of the mysterious cold-like symptoms that have been plaguing several Council Members over the past few days.

The Council is scheduled to meet shortly, to decide what should be done about the matter.

The Dill remains in seclusion, in a corner of the kitchen table. We will continues to provide up-to-minute coverage, as this story unfolds...(unless something happens over the weekend, in which case you will not hear about anything until Monday.)

TOP STORY: Flaky superintendent spotted on the street and summoned to repair water-damaged ceiling...

....but will he heed the call?

It was shortly after 9am this morning that Head Council Member E spotted the super lurking outside the building (location of which must remain super top-secret). He was in the company of an unidentified male, and drinking some coffee while simultaneously munching on a breakfast pastry. After pleasantries were exchanged, the topic of the ceiling came up. He claimed he would come by this weekend to fix the damage. A likely story, as that claim has been made on numerous occasions, with the Super turning into a "super" flake at the last minute. Unfortunately, prior committments prevent E from summoning him The Lair today or tomorrow, and to be honest, it is unlikely he will heed the call this weekend, as he is known for his elusive nature when it comes to these matters. The Council, at large, remains at rest, and did not issue any statements regarding this situation.

We will closely follow this story with the intensely of a hawk stalking its prey, and we urge our readers to weigh in on the matter with their thoughts and opinions.

TOP STORY: Council Meets with Citizen Meow - Tarring and feathering temporarily postponed...

The Council met at The Lair on Friday evening, as planned, for Citizen Meow to make his plea to The Council. Although he made a most moving plea, The Council stand divided as to what to do regarding the situation at large. Head Council Member E has issued a direct order to allow Citizen Meow's status as a Lair Visitor to remain in good standing. Although The Council is forced to abide by this, there are unconfirmed reports that certain Council Members are planning to tar and feather Citizen Meow should he once again offend The Council under any circumstances. The Council will reconvene later this week, to revisit this issue, unless there are other more pressing matters to discuss. Citizen Meow spent a good portion of the weekend at The Lair, largely due to inclimate weather conditions.

We will continue to provide up-to-minute updates regarding this on-going saga.

Happy Monday!

TOP STORY: Council Meeting Postponed: Council Members rebel and "call out" Citizen Meow!

This just in from The Lair - it appears that last night's meeting, involving "Citizen Meow" was postponed by Head Council Member E. However, in a rebellious turn, Council Members Baron von Dracula, Lord Dreidel and Limited Time Offer Skillet have issued a public statement, just moments ago, calling Citizen Meow to The Lair tomorrow evening, to defend his actions in a public forum.

It appears that The Council Members purposely waited until Head Council Member E had left Lair premises in order to issue their statement. Coincidentally, E had invited Citizen Meow to The Lair earlier in the week, for a celebratory feast. However, since Meow had been temporarily banned from The Lair, Head Council Member E was concerned that keeping the date would cause chaos, and a possible mutiny, among the other Council Members. Although she was reluctant to cancel the feast, she also had mixed feelings about defying her fellow Council Members. Conveniently, this meeting, scheduled for Friday evening, should Citizen Meow choose to respond to "the call", will allow C.M. to present his case to The Council, face to face, while also allowing him to partake in the scheduled feast with Head Council Member E.

The question now remains...will Citizen Meow respond to "The Call?"

Stay tuned, dear readers...

BREAKING NEWS: Citizen Meow on Probation!

Citizen Meow - File photo (THN)

Emerging reports from Lair 5-I are coming into THN headquarters, and it appears The Council is in talks, regarding one "Citizen Meow." Due to an apparent theft at The Lair, The Council may vote to put him on probationary status. Head Council Member E was not present at the informal meeting that transpired just moments ago, but the other three Council Members are planning to present their evidence to her later on this evening. Specific details regarding what exactly happened with Citizen Meow have not yet been released, but it is known that Citizen Meow is a frequent visitor to The Lair, and has a history of civil, even friendly relations with The Council, in general. However, it is uncertain as to what this new development may lead to, in regards to future relations between Citizen Meow and The Council, at large.

We will provide continuing coverage of this breaking story, as details become available.