Chaos Ensures as Netflix Queue mix-up leads to Nikita delays!

This just in!!

An unfortunately oversight on behalf of Citizen Meow* has resulted in the post-ponement of The Council's scheduled viewing of the final few episodes of the ENTIRE USA SERIES of the famed "La Femme Nikita."

Apparently, the second to last Nikita disc was skipped, and the final disc arrived as The Lair. The Council gathered to watch, and graciously invited Citizen Meow to join the festivities. However, confusion ran rampant once the viewing began. Lord Dreidel himself admitted sheepishly "Even I had no idea what was going on. Which is extremely rare."

Head Council Member Hoots quickly figured out the problem, and made plans to rectify the situation. However, Citizen Meow failed to leave the disc at The Lair, and instead decided to hold it hostage, for reasons unknown. The disc was to be returned to Netflix, in order to received the necessary, second-to-last disc. In the meantime, 2 discs worth of Mad Men episodes arrived, in the appropriate order.

The Council is currently in talks, to decide the appropriate punishment for Citizen Meow's role in the debacle. This may or may not include denying him roast, for the remainder of the calendar year.

MORE MEOW BIRTHDAY NEWS!!!

Greetings, dear readers....we interrupt our indefinite hiatus to bring you some INTENSELY URGENT, GROUND-BREAKING NEWS regarding one Citizen Meow.

Today, May 6th, is Citizen Meow's birthday, and The Council is scrambling to concoct some top-secret surprises for Meow as they recover from their Cinco de Mayo hangovers. The Council has also asked us to kindly warn Meow that his surprise treats may not be ready by the time he returns to Lair 5-I, and to remind him that patience is indeed a virtue.

Additionally, in honor of Citizen Meow's birthday, the famous indie rock trio known as BABINGTON AND THE HOOTS, has released a brand-new track, in honor of The Meow. From what we have been known, THN is THE ONLY media outlet to which this exclusive song has been leaked to. Since we lack the technological capabilities to actually play it (see our previous piece on financial issues), we shall reprint the lyrics here, for one and all to marvel at the lyrical intensity of this awesome little ditty. Additionally, all of us at THN would like to wish Citizen Meow a very HAPPY HAPPY Birthday!!

Birthday Song for Meow

by Babington and The Hoots

copywright May 6, 2010

There will be...

Roast for Meow!

Steak for Meow!

Some champagne for Meow!

There will be kisses for Meow,

and a few presents for Meow!

Some treats for Meow

and sweets for Meow,

maybe an OYSTER for Meow,

or a new toaster for Meow,

I'll make a poster for Meow!

Because The Meow is oh so sweet...

Yes - it's true - he can't be beat!

Unless we're playing Badminton,

where he's really easy to beat.

But since today is Meow's birthday,

the cats will purr and E says yay!

There'll be a great big hug for Meow...

E does a little dance for Meow!

Whatever fills The Meow with glee,

that's what E wants to bring to thee...

So HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MEOW!

You're 29 - no time to frown!

Because you're great and oh so cute.

Yes, indeed, you're quite a hoot.

And I love you so...and I hope you know.

(the end)

A Dark Day in History...The News says FAREWELL

It is with a heavy heart that I announce the folding of The Headline News. Due to a dip in readership, our financial sponsors have pulled out, and we can no longer afford to keep our staff working around the clock, to deliver the ground-breaking news that our readers have become so accustomed to. Unfortunately, our readers will now to have to find another source to keep them updated on the wheelings and dealings of E, Citizen Meow and The Council. We realize that there are very few media outlets that are as devoted to these topics as THN, but sadly, we cannot venture forth, unless a generous donation is presented, in order to provide the much-needed funds to off-set our staffing and publication costs.

We will issue our final report on Monday, to wrap up the stories we have been following, but we would now like to take a moment to invite our readers to share their thoughts and fond memories of The News...we are open to all comments and letters. Do not shy away, as you may never again have an opportunity to let us know how you truly feel about The Headline News.

Farewell...for now,
The Editor-in-Chief

TOP STORY: NO-ROAST-FOR-MEOW Party?

First, there was the Tea Party, then, the Coffee Party, and now...The No-Roast-for-Meow Party?

The Headline News has received an insider tip, regarding the formation of The No-Roast-For-Meow Party. The Party is apparently plotting its initial meeting, and its leader, who remains unknown, is currently drawing up The Party's mission statement.

We have no further details on the matter, but if there is indeed any sort of party going on, we hope to be invited.

No word yet from Head Council Member E, The Council or Citizen Meow regarding their thoughts on the formation of The NRFMP (No-Roast-for-Meow Party.)

We will provide breaking coverage of this story as it unfolds.

TOP STORY: Roast for Meow!?!

Could it be????

The Passover holiday brought an incredible treat for the infamous Citizen Meow last night, as he finally indulged in some roast at a traditional Passover seder. The roast was brisket, which was painstakingly prepared by Head Council Member E, over the course of Sunday evening and into Monday morning. Although E was no planning to offer Citizen Meow some roast, he took the liberty of indulging in the roast, while E was distracted by general Seder activity and preparations. The roast was the talk of the evening, though no formal statement has yet been issued by Citizen Meow, regarding The Roast. E is planning more roasts for the coming week, and maintains that she will do her best to keep to her tried and true "no roast for Meow" mantra.

The Council did not attend the first night seder, for mysterious reasons that have not yet been divulged. However, Limited Time Offer Skillet did express regret and disappointment once he was given the news that Citizen Meow had indeed had some roast. He offered the following statement, before retiring to his cabinet:

"This is a dark day, not just for The Council, but for all of humanity. If we can no longer stand by our rallying cry of 'NO ROAST FOR MEOW', then can we stand by anything?"

The other Council Members were not immediately available for comment. We will continue to follow this tasty and juicy story, as it unfolds.

BREAKING NEWS: Statement from The Council...

In response to a reader comment, The Council has just issued the following statement:

"In addition to NO ROAST FOR MEOW, there will also be no steak for Meow and NO PARADE FOR MEOW. We will not 'provide no roast.' There will simply BE no roast. For Meow. FOREVER."

Wow...it sounds like The Council means business...Is another round of probation on the horizon for ole' Citizen Meow? Stay tuned...

TOP STORY: Council meets to schedule their next meeting...

This just in, from The Lair...our associate on the scene confirms that The Council held a secret late night meeting, which concluded at approximately 2:00 am, this morning. The sole purpose of the meeting was the set a day and time for their next meeting, a lengthy one in which they will address a number of looming issues. Unfortunately, The Council was unable to agree as to exactly when this meeting would be held, so they shall meet again tonight, in the hopes of coming to an agreement.

Representative Baron von Dracula issued the following statement:

"The Council recognizes that a formal meeting is long overdue. We hope to come to decision tonight, as to when we will meet, to discuss and argue about several matters that have been on the table, lurking and festering, like a moldy green orange."

We have gotten the inside scoop on a few of the matters that will be broached at this fabled meeting. The Council has yet to decide what punishment awaits Council Member Limited Time Offer Skillet. Head Council Member E has plans to present her proposal regarding the elimination of Mondays from the calendar. The Council also plans to discuss their continued efforts to provide NO ROAST FOR MEOW. This will be especially challenging, as the upcoming Passover festivities are sure to provide more roast than usual, and The Culinary Wing of The Lair will undoubtedly be stocked with roast that Citizen Meow make attempt to stealthily treat himself to, in a moment of weakness and hunger.

The Council has not yet confirmed a time for tonight's meeting, and it's safe to assume that their formal meeting will be scheduled for later this week or early next week. Chances of a weekend meeting are slim, since The Council usually prefers to engage in more leisurely activities on the weekends. However, an emergency weekend/picnic may be declared if no agreement can be reached.

We will keep you posted on this story as it unfolds...