TOP STORY: Lord Dreidel assumes a Baron von Dracula-like position!

Breaking news from The Lair!! Lord Dreidel assumed an unusual position, very similar to the trade-marked poses of his fellow Council Member Baron von Dracula. All Council Members were left utterly speechless by this rare display. Our reporter on the scene broke the silence by snapping the following EXCLUSIVE PHOTO:

EXCLUSIVE PHOTO: Lord Dreidel assumes an unusual position!

This occurred at approximately 9:15am this morning, shortly before Head Council Member E was scheduled to leave The Lair. No formal statements were issued, and Lord Dreidel offered no information as to what inspired the unusual pose. As of press time, Lord Dreidel had returned to his usual position, curled up near his post, and is rumored to be engaging in his 3rd nap of the day.

TOP STORY: Council plans spectacular birthday gift for Citizen Meow!

An emerging report indicates that The Council is planning a spectacular and extravagant gift for Citizen Meow's upcoming birthday...Head Council Member E came across the following the gift, and she plans to propose its purchase to The Council at its next scheduled meeting.

The gift, which is pictured below, is a bean bag chair shaped like a sleeping bear. E is certain that Citizen Meow will be quite pleased and impressed with the bear, which will prove to be rather useful in his currently couchless lair.

E issued the following statement:

"This is indeed the perfect gift for Meow...I am certain that he was not even aware of its existence! I hope he likes it. And I hope that The Council is willing to help me purchase it, despite strained relations between Citizen Meow and Limited Time Offer Skillet."

Whether or not The Council agrees to the purchase remains to be seen...behold, THE BEAR (below.)

TOP STORY: Roast for Meow!?!

Could it be????

The Passover holiday brought an incredible treat for the infamous Citizen Meow last night, as he finally indulged in some roast at a traditional Passover seder. The roast was brisket, which was painstakingly prepared by Head Council Member E, over the course of Sunday evening and into Monday morning. Although E was no planning to offer Citizen Meow some roast, he took the liberty of indulging in the roast, while E was distracted by general Seder activity and preparations. The roast was the talk of the evening, though no formal statement has yet been issued by Citizen Meow, regarding The Roast. E is planning more roasts for the coming week, and maintains that she will do her best to keep to her tried and true "no roast for Meow" mantra.

The Council did not attend the first night seder, for mysterious reasons that have not yet been divulged. However, Limited Time Offer Skillet did express regret and disappointment once he was given the news that Citizen Meow had indeed had some roast. He offered the following statement, before retiring to his cabinet:

"This is a dark day, not just for The Council, but for all of humanity. If we can no longer stand by our rallying cry of 'NO ROAST FOR MEOW', then can we stand by anything?"

The other Council Members were not immediately available for comment. We will continue to follow this tasty and juicy story, as it unfolds.

Cigarette bummers run rampant as E is approached for a cigarette TWICE in the span of an hour across 2 boroughs!!

In an unusual turn of events, E was approached this morning, not once, but TWICE, by strangers requesting cigarettes on the street. The first incident occurred on Lincoln Road, at approximately 9:44 am, when a middle-aged woman, who often wanders the block, approached her while she was smoking on a bench in front of the local coffee shop. Although E had a mostly full pack, she anticipated a long evening of drinking and socializing, so she told the woman that she was smoking her last one. Once in Manhattan, she was approached yet again, on a street corner, at approximately 10:29 am. This time, the culprit was a woman who appeared to be in her mid to late 20s, wearing a knit cap. Again, E politely stated that she was smoking her last cigarette, and continued on her way. E offered the following the statement to our reporter on the scene:

"I don't know if people realize how expensive cigarettes are these days...I used to believe in karma, and would give cigarettes out more freely, but my economic situation has put me in a far more precariously position. Although I feel bad about lying about the status of my my pack, I feel that it is far more polite to say that I am smoking the last one, then to offer a flat-out 'NO - go away.' By the same token, I myself have not attempted to bum a cigarette from a stranger in a really long time. The urge is there, believe me - but I have resisted the temptation. I have considered petitioning The Council to assist me in lobbying for a decrease in the cost of the cigarettes, but I realize that we have bigger fish to fry for the foreseeable future. Additionally, I am shocked that I was approached both in Brooklyn and in the city. The plight of the smoker is something that few people truly recognize...why can't I smoke my cigarette in peace? Is that too much to ask? Is it?"

While our reporter assumed that E's question was one of a rhetorical nature, hee questioning gaze prompted him to thank her for the quote, and to scurry off around the corner of 7th Avenue and 38th Street.

The Council has issued no formal statement on the matter, and we have received no additional reports of cigarette bummers in the immediate vicinity.

TOP STORY: Scandal afoot as Citizen Meow attempts to sway Head Council Member E!

Dangerous liasions appear to be brewing over at The Lair on this seasonable Thursday...we have received reports that Citizen Meow and Head Council Member E was spotted last evening at a local sushi restaurant. The intention of this meeting was not immediately made clear, although based on our sources, it appears to be recreational, and our source notes that a several vats of hot sake were merrily consumed...could Citizen Meow be plotting to win The Council's favor by wining and dining Head Council Member E???

And the plot thickens....Tails were left wagging as Citizen Meow returned to The Lair after the meal, and proceeded to spend the night. Council relations this morning were rather terse, due to the fact that this unexpected visit prevented The Council from engaging in a meeting, which has been continually postponed since early this week. Citizen Meow offered no comment as he briskly left The Lair early this morning.

Our reporters remain staked out at The Lair, and we will follow-up with more details, as they become available.

TOP STORY: Council meeting derailed by bread-baking!

A shocking development in our on-going coverage involving The Council's scheduled meeting last evening...it appears that the meeting was once again postponed, due to Head Council Member E's attempt to bake a loaf of bread. The loaf in question took much longer than originally anticipated, and E was so thoroughly exhausted from her efforts that she retired shortly after the loaf emerged from the oven. Our reporter on the scene managed to cleverly snap the following EXCLUSIVE PHOTO early this morning:

The Culprit! (homemade bread)

The bread in question is a homemade loaf, with sun-dried tomato and asiago and parmesan cheese. Head Council Member E has confirmed plans to eat some of the bread later this evening, when she returns to The Lair.

Our reporter reports that Council Members Baron von Dracula and Lord Dreidel spent most of the evening at rest while waiting for the meeting that never transpired. Baron von Dracula briefly took position perched on the couch, in anticipation of the meeting, but as the night wore on, he retired to his cushion, where he assumed an unusual position, and took a nap. Limited Time Offer Skillet was not seen, and it is assumed that he remains in hiding, presumably in The Culinary Wing of The Lair.

Baron von Dracula waits, in vain...

No Council Members were available for comment, and no statement has been issued as to when the meeting will be rescheduled. It is also uncertain at this time whether or not there will be any bread for Citizen Meow.

BREAKING NEWS: Statement from The Council...

In response to a reader comment, The Council has just issued the following statement:

"In addition to NO ROAST FOR MEOW, there will also be no steak for Meow and NO PARADE FOR MEOW. We will not 'provide no roast.' There will simply BE no roast. For Meow. FOREVER."

Wow...it sounds like The Council means business...Is another round of probation on the horizon for ole' Citizen Meow? Stay tuned...