TOP STORY: Coffee purchased from random coffee cart proves itself to be utterly undrinkable...

A large coffee purchased just moments ago by Esther, as she scurried to her office, turns out to taste completely dreadful. Upon arrival at her office, she took one sip, and decided that it would be impossible to venture any further into the beverage. The coffee tasted foul and stale, and our reporter on the scene claims that there were "no words for the look of despair and disappointment that crossed her face."

This development comes on the heels of a hectic morning. Our reporter on the scene at The Lair reports that she woke up at the exact time she is slated to leave for work, and hurried to get ready in a such a swift fashion that there was no time to brew some coffee at home or even to purchase one on the way to the subway, which is her usual custom. Now that the coffee has been deemed undrinkable, she is uncertain what to do, and is disdainfully sipping at a bottle of room-temperature water, while the doomed coffee lurks ominously to the left of her keyboard.

The coffee declined to comment.

BREAKING NEWS: Breakfast pastry proves "disappointing"

Reports are streaming into THN headquarters, regarding Esther's recent encounter with an almond croissant. Our reporter on the scene confirmed that Esther was "deeply disappointed" by the croissant, which was purchased from her beloved coffee cart, on the corner of 8th Avenue and 39th Street in Manhattan. She went on to say that the croissant in question had "an odd, funny taste," but despite its flaws, she ate it anyway. To distract herself from the deep disappointment of her breakfast pastry, which is a rare treat for Esther, whose usual breakfast consists of a coffee and a few cigarettes, Esther has been looking up recipes for Olive Oil cake online, since she got to the office. She plans to commence actual work shortly.

The croissant itself was unavailable for comment.