TOP STORY: Head Council Member E to form a coalition to eradicate Mondays

After an unfortunate string of occurences that occurred this morning and afternoon, Head Council Member E has developed a plan to initiate a coalition to official ban Mondays from the calendar. E plans to seek The Council's cooperation on the matter. Although our reporting staff is still piecing together the events that caused this revolutionary decision, so far, we have deduced the following:

1. E wakes up this morning, and it is grim and rainy.
2. she wakes up late, is out of cigarettes, and has no time to make coffee before departing from The Lair for the day
3. The bodega was out of Newports, which caused her to have to cross the street, and wait on an annoying line at the pharmacy, before getting a pack.
4. Of the three Metrocard vending machines at the station, not one of them was accepting credit or debit cards, so she missed her train while trying to scrounge for the change needed to put enough money on her card to pay her fair (it is a well-known fact that E rarely carries cash, since she really doesn't have any, as most of her earning go to maintaining The Lair.)
5. In the city, still raining.
6. Late to work, where an unusually dreary atmosphere lurked about.
7. Vegetable dumplings for lunch came accompanied by a substandard dipping sauce, which tasted suspiciously like soy sauce, instead of the tastier and more vibrant variety of special dumpling sauce.
8. The day is dragging, and an unexplainably urge for home-made apple pie has gone completely unfufilled.

For these reasons, E has decided that Mondays should be completed eliminated from the calendar. She issued the following

"Mondays have traditionally been rife with woe, despair, and bad luck in general. I feel that The Council would be doing the entire universe an incredible service by
spear-heading the coliltion to get rid of Mondays...FORVER!"

The Council has not yet been made away of E's plans, and she has not yet specified when they would be approached. She may wait for the controversy involving Limited Time Offer Skillet to simmer down (ha?) before she broaches The Council with this pressing matter.

It is also unclear as to whether Monday will be replaced by an entirely new day, or if Sunday will be doubled, or essentially repeated, hence resulting in a 7-day week, with 2 Sundays, to be immediately followed by Tuesday.

We welcome our readers thoughts and comments on this controversial matter, and we will provide up-to-the-minute updates on this story, as they become available.

TOP STORY: Coffee purchased from random coffee cart proves itself to be utterly undrinkable...

A large coffee purchased just moments ago by Esther, as she scurried to her office, turns out to taste completely dreadful. Upon arrival at her office, she took one sip, and decided that it would be impossible to venture any further into the beverage. The coffee tasted foul and stale, and our reporter on the scene claims that there were "no words for the look of despair and disappointment that crossed her face."

This development comes on the heels of a hectic morning. Our reporter on the scene at The Lair reports that she woke up at the exact time she is slated to leave for work, and hurried to get ready in a such a swift fashion that there was no time to brew some coffee at home or even to purchase one on the way to the subway, which is her usual custom. Now that the coffee has been deemed undrinkable, she is uncertain what to do, and is disdainfully sipping at a bottle of room-temperature water, while the doomed coffee lurks ominously to the left of her keyboard.

The coffee declined to comment.

TOP STORY: Flaky superintendent spotted on the street and summoned to repair water-damaged ceiling...

....but will he heed the call?

It was shortly after 9am this morning that Head Council Member E spotted the super lurking outside the building (location of which must remain super top-secret). He was in the company of an unidentified male, and drinking some coffee while simultaneously munching on a breakfast pastry. After pleasantries were exchanged, the topic of the ceiling came up. He claimed he would come by this weekend to fix the damage. A likely story, as that claim has been made on numerous occasions, with the Super turning into a "super" flake at the last minute. Unfortunately, prior committments prevent E from summoning him The Lair today or tomorrow, and to be honest, it is unlikely he will heed the call this weekend, as he is known for his elusive nature when it comes to these matters. The Council, at large, remains at rest, and did not issue any statements regarding this situation.

We will closely follow this story with the intensely of a hawk stalking its prey, and we urge our readers to weigh in on the matter with their thoughts and opinions.