TOP STORY: Head Council Member E to form a coalition to eradicate Mondays

After an unfortunate string of occurences that occurred this morning and afternoon, Head Council Member E has developed a plan to initiate a coalition to official ban Mondays from the calendar. E plans to seek The Council's cooperation on the matter. Although our reporting staff is still piecing together the events that caused this revolutionary decision, so far, we have deduced the following:

1. E wakes up this morning, and it is grim and rainy.
2. she wakes up late, is out of cigarettes, and has no time to make coffee before departing from The Lair for the day
3. The bodega was out of Newports, which caused her to have to cross the street, and wait on an annoying line at the pharmacy, before getting a pack.
4. Of the three Metrocard vending machines at the station, not one of them was accepting credit or debit cards, so she missed her train while trying to scrounge for the change needed to put enough money on her card to pay her fair (it is a well-known fact that E rarely carries cash, since she really doesn't have any, as most of her earning go to maintaining The Lair.)
5. In the city, still raining.
6. Late to work, where an unusually dreary atmosphere lurked about.
7. Vegetable dumplings for lunch came accompanied by a substandard dipping sauce, which tasted suspiciously like soy sauce, instead of the tastier and more vibrant variety of special dumpling sauce.
8. The day is dragging, and an unexplainably urge for home-made apple pie has gone completely unfufilled.

For these reasons, E has decided that Mondays should be completed eliminated from the calendar. She issued the following

"Mondays have traditionally been rife with woe, despair, and bad luck in general. I feel that The Council would be doing the entire universe an incredible service by
spear-heading the coliltion to get rid of Mondays...FORVER!"

The Council has not yet been made away of E's plans, and she has not yet specified when they would be approached. She may wait for the controversy involving Limited Time Offer Skillet to simmer down (ha?) before she broaches The Council with this pressing matter.

It is also unclear as to whether Monday will be replaced by an entirely new day, or if Sunday will be doubled, or essentially repeated, hence resulting in a 7-day week, with 2 Sundays, to be immediately followed by Tuesday.

We welcome our readers thoughts and comments on this controversial matter, and we will provide up-to-the-minute updates on this story, as they become available.

BREAKING NEWS: Citizen Meow's probation to be overruled??

Reports have come in that Head Council Member E is in talks to issue a petition to overrule Citizen Meow's probation, due in large part to his impressive contribution to the birthday festivities that took place this past weekend.

For those who have not been following this saga, feel free to peruse our archives, as it is a tale that is sure to keep you on the edge of your seat (if you are sitting in one, that is...). After extensively heated discussions regarding Citizen Meow's loyalty and strength of character, The Council finally decided to allow Citizen Meow to lurk within The Lair under probationary status, although certain members of The Council, who shall not be named, voted to ban him from The Lair, forevermore. This controversy stemmed from a supposed theft, the details of which remain murky and vague. Although relations have been pleasant for the past few weeks, there are reports that Limited Time Offer Skillet has just recently reminded his fellow Council Members Lord Dreidel and Baron von Dracula that he is keeping his supply of feathers and tar handy "just in case of any missteps." Our reporters seem to agree that the tension between Limited Time and Citizen Meow has been rather long-standing, although nobody seems to know exactly where these tensions stem from.

An unconfirmed report indicates that Head Council Member E has plans to approach The Council this evening, with the hopes of convincing them to formal lift the probation placed upon Citizen Meow. Hopefully, her plans to take a nap will not delay this meeting. We will follow up with a full report tomorrow morning.

EMERGING REPORT: Esther wants an herb garden!

Just moments ago, Esther has decided that she wants an herb garden, to continue her culinary adventures through the spring and into the summer season. She has plans to convince some fellow Council Members to join her in her efforts to set up the garden, however she is skeptical of their participation, and she fears she may have to go it alone. She offered the following comment:

"Some fresh basil would be a nice addition to my famous pasta sauce...and perhaps some mint. And chives! For dipping sauces!!"

We will follow this intensely intriguing story as it unfolds.