Cigarette bummers run rampant as E is approached for a cigarette TWICE in the span of an hour across 2 boroughs!!

In an unusual turn of events, E was approached this morning, not once, but TWICE, by strangers requesting cigarettes on the street. The first incident occurred on Lincoln Road, at approximately 9:44 am, when a middle-aged woman, who often wanders the block, approached her while she was smoking on a bench in front of the local coffee shop. Although E had a mostly full pack, she anticipated a long evening of drinking and socializing, so she told the woman that she was smoking her last one. Once in Manhattan, she was approached yet again, on a street corner, at approximately 10:29 am. This time, the culprit was a woman who appeared to be in her mid to late 20s, wearing a knit cap. Again, E politely stated that she was smoking her last cigarette, and continued on her way. E offered the following the statement to our reporter on the scene:

"I don't know if people realize how expensive cigarettes are these days...I used to believe in karma, and would give cigarettes out more freely, but my economic situation has put me in a far more precariously position. Although I feel bad about lying about the status of my my pack, I feel that it is far more polite to say that I am smoking the last one, then to offer a flat-out 'NO - go away.' By the same token, I myself have not attempted to bum a cigarette from a stranger in a really long time. The urge is there, believe me - but I have resisted the temptation. I have considered petitioning The Council to assist me in lobbying for a decrease in the cost of the cigarettes, but I realize that we have bigger fish to fry for the foreseeable future. Additionally, I am shocked that I was approached both in Brooklyn and in the city. The plight of the smoker is something that few people truly recognize...why can't I smoke my cigarette in peace? Is that too much to ask? Is it?"

While our reporter assumed that E's question was one of a rhetorical nature, hee questioning gaze prompted him to thank her for the quote, and to scurry off around the corner of 7th Avenue and 38th Street.

The Council has issued no formal statement on the matter, and we have received no additional reports of cigarette bummers in the immediate vicinity.

TOP STORY: Council meeting derailed by bread-baking!

A shocking development in our on-going coverage involving The Council's scheduled meeting last evening...it appears that the meeting was once again postponed, due to Head Council Member E's attempt to bake a loaf of bread. The loaf in question took much longer than originally anticipated, and E was so thoroughly exhausted from her efforts that she retired shortly after the loaf emerged from the oven. Our reporter on the scene managed to cleverly snap the following EXCLUSIVE PHOTO early this morning:

The Culprit! (homemade bread)

The bread in question is a homemade loaf, with sun-dried tomato and asiago and parmesan cheese. Head Council Member E has confirmed plans to eat some of the bread later this evening, when she returns to The Lair.

Our reporter reports that Council Members Baron von Dracula and Lord Dreidel spent most of the evening at rest while waiting for the meeting that never transpired. Baron von Dracula briefly took position perched on the couch, in anticipation of the meeting, but as the night wore on, he retired to his cushion, where he assumed an unusual position, and took a nap. Limited Time Offer Skillet was not seen, and it is assumed that he remains in hiding, presumably in The Culinary Wing of The Lair.

Baron von Dracula waits, in vain...

No Council Members were available for comment, and no statement has been issued as to when the meeting will be rescheduled. It is also uncertain at this time whether or not there will be any bread for Citizen Meow.

TOP STORY: Council Pleas go ignored!

In a shockingly unusual turn of events from The Lair, it appears that The Council's plea for Head Council Member E to remain at Lair Headquarters was completely ignored, as she prepared for departure earlier this morning.

Lord Dreidel, in particular, did his best to restrain her on the bed, by settling upon his chest, and directing his full body weight (which is indeed notably significant) towards the efforts. However, E was able to overcome Lord Dreidel's efforts, while Baron von Dracula observed the activity from his favorite spot on the couch. Just moments before she was to leave the premises, the Baron made a last ditch effort to keep E at the Lair, by sprawling out in an extremely unusual pose, which was obviously crafted to cause a ruse. While this attempt did indeed cause momentary alarm, E promptly left the premises after she investigated the situation, and determined that The Baron was not in need of medical attention.

Although The Council has yet to issue a formal statement, our reporter on the scene claims that the apparent threat of rain seems to be the motivation behind The Council's actions. Although it should be noted that Limited Time Offer Skillet took no part in the attempts to keep E at The Lair. We are currently awaiting a statement from E herself, and we will update you as soon as it becomes available.