TOP STORY: Council Pleas go ignored!

In a shockingly unusual turn of events from The Lair, it appears that The Council's plea for Head Council Member E to remain at Lair Headquarters was completely ignored, as she prepared for departure earlier this morning.

Lord Dreidel, in particular, did his best to restrain her on the bed, by settling upon his chest, and directing his full body weight (which is indeed notably significant) towards the efforts. However, E was able to overcome Lord Dreidel's efforts, while Baron von Dracula observed the activity from his favorite spot on the couch. Just moments before she was to leave the premises, the Baron made a last ditch effort to keep E at the Lair, by sprawling out in an extremely unusual pose, which was obviously crafted to cause a ruse. While this attempt did indeed cause momentary alarm, E promptly left the premises after she investigated the situation, and determined that The Baron was not in need of medical attention.

Although The Council has yet to issue a formal statement, our reporter on the scene claims that the apparent threat of rain seems to be the motivation behind The Council's actions. Although it should be noted that Limited Time Offer Skillet took no part in the attempts to keep E at The Lair. We are currently awaiting a statement from E herself, and we will update you as soon as it becomes available.

TOP STORY: Mysterious odor invades The Lair!

Reports of a mysterious and foul odor at The Lair are emerging. The Council is currently on the case, investigating the premises. The origin of this odor is currently unknown, but Head Council Member E offered the following statement:

"I hope it is Citizen Meow's socks, instead of a decomposing rodent."

No further information is available at this time, but we will keep you posted, as updates become available.

TOP STORY: The Council is disgruntled by yet another Monday...

Spirits were low this morning at The Lair, as Head Council Member E stirred from her slumber in order to face yet another Monday, head-on. Lord Dreidel and Baron von Dracula were standing by as E prepared to venture forth. Preparations were brief, as time was of the essence. The mood was somber, and the lighting, dim. All Council Members declined to comment on the proceedings.

Citizen Meow appeals to The Council through comments left on THN!

In a surprising twist of events, Citizen Meow himself has appealed directly to The Council, via a "blog" comment left in reference to our earlier news piece. His compelling and heart-felt plea brought tears to eyes of many of our readers, and has prompted Head Council Member E to take action on his behalf. She is formulating a plan to bring him back into the good graces of her fellow Council Members, although details of this plan are still in the works.

No word yet as to how Council Members Lord Dreidel, Baron von Dracula and Limited Time Offer Skillet, back at The Lair, have responded to Citizen Meow's plea. We are expecting The Council to issue a formal statement by day's end.

Additionally, it is unclear whether Citizen Meow is a genuine follower of The Headline News, or if he is just cleverly making use of our comments section as a platform to present his case to the general public, while simultanously addressing The Council from a safe and remote location.

We can file that under "Things that make you go hmmm...."

We will continue to investigate this matter as this titillating story unfolds.