Chaos Ensures as Netflix Queue mix-up leads to Nikita delays!

This just in!!

An unfortunately oversight on behalf of Citizen Meow* has resulted in the post-ponement of The Council's scheduled viewing of the final few episodes of the ENTIRE USA SERIES of the famed "La Femme Nikita."

Apparently, the second to last Nikita disc was skipped, and the final disc arrived as The Lair. The Council gathered to watch, and graciously invited Citizen Meow to join the festivities. However, confusion ran rampant once the viewing began. Lord Dreidel himself admitted sheepishly "Even I had no idea what was going on. Which is extremely rare."

Head Council Member Hoots quickly figured out the problem, and made plans to rectify the situation. However, Citizen Meow failed to leave the disc at The Lair, and instead decided to hold it hostage, for reasons unknown. The disc was to be returned to Netflix, in order to received the necessary, second-to-last disc. In the meantime, 2 discs worth of Mad Men episodes arrived, in the appropriate order.

The Council is currently in talks, to decide the appropriate punishment for Citizen Meow's role in the debacle. This may or may not include denying him roast, for the remainder of the calendar year.

ROAST FOR MEOW!

We interrupt out indefinite hiatus to inform our dear readers that TODAY, and TODAY ONLY is the one day out of the entire 365-day calendar year that there will be ROAST for CITIZEN MEOW. Because...it is his birthday!

Happy Birthday Meow!

Regards,

Editor-in-Chief E and the entire Headline News Staff!

MORE MEOW BIRTHDAY NEWS!!!

Greetings, dear readers....we interrupt our indefinite hiatus to bring you some INTENSELY URGENT, GROUND-BREAKING NEWS regarding one Citizen Meow.

Today, May 6th, is Citizen Meow's birthday, and The Council is scrambling to concoct some top-secret surprises for Meow as they recover from their Cinco de Mayo hangovers. The Council has also asked us to kindly warn Meow that his surprise treats may not be ready by the time he returns to Lair 5-I, and to remind him that patience is indeed a virtue.

Additionally, in honor of Citizen Meow's birthday, the famous indie rock trio known as BABINGTON AND THE HOOTS, has released a brand-new track, in honor of The Meow. From what we have been known, THN is THE ONLY media outlet to which this exclusive song has been leaked to. Since we lack the technological capabilities to actually play it (see our previous piece on financial issues), we shall reprint the lyrics here, for one and all to marvel at the lyrical intensity of this awesome little ditty. Additionally, all of us at THN would like to wish Citizen Meow a very HAPPY HAPPY Birthday!!

Birthday Song for Meow

by Babington and The Hoots

copywright May 6, 2010

There will be...

Roast for Meow!

Steak for Meow!

Some champagne for Meow!

There will be kisses for Meow,

and a few presents for Meow!

Some treats for Meow

and sweets for Meow,

maybe an OYSTER for Meow,

or a new toaster for Meow,

I'll make a poster for Meow!

Because The Meow is oh so sweet...

Yes - it's true - he can't be beat!

Unless we're playing Badminton,

where he's really easy to beat.

But since today is Meow's birthday,

the cats will purr and E says yay!

There'll be a great big hug for Meow...

E does a little dance for Meow!

Whatever fills The Meow with glee,

that's what E wants to bring to thee...

So HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MEOW!

You're 29 - no time to frown!

Because you're great and oh so cute.

Yes, indeed, you're quite a hoot.

And I love you so...and I hope you know.

(the end)

A Dark Day in History...The News says FAREWELL

It is with a heavy heart that I announce the folding of The Headline News. Due to a dip in readership, our financial sponsors have pulled out, and we can no longer afford to keep our staff working around the clock, to deliver the ground-breaking news that our readers have become so accustomed to. Unfortunately, our readers will now to have to find another source to keep them updated on the wheelings and dealings of E, Citizen Meow and The Council. We realize that there are very few media outlets that are as devoted to these topics as THN, but sadly, we cannot venture forth, unless a generous donation is presented, in order to provide the much-needed funds to off-set our staffing and publication costs.

We will issue our final report on Monday, to wrap up the stories we have been following, but we would now like to take a moment to invite our readers to share their thoughts and fond memories of The News...we are open to all comments and letters. Do not shy away, as you may never again have an opportunity to let us know how you truly feel about The Headline News.

Farewell...for now,
The Editor-in-Chief

TOP STORY: "Gigantic" Fruit Salad steps in as last lunch of Passover 2010...

GIGANTIC FRUIT SALAD! (THN Beat Reporter)

A "gigantic" fruit salad, straight from the Culinary Wing of Lair is just moments away from being eaten for lunch by Head Council Member E. The fruit salad is question was prepared last evening by E, and consists of 1 plum, 1 mango, several green grapes, 1 Bosch pear and one unusually large Granny Smith apple. Our beat reporter managed to snap the above EXCLUSIVE PHOTO, in which the salad is posing next to a bottle of White-Out, to offer the viewer perspective on its looming and massive size. E issued the following statement, in reference to the fruit salad:

"It's huge. GIGANTIC. I don't know what I'm going to do with
all of it...it's just so...intimidating. Meep."

This salad serves as the final lunch of the Passover strech of 2010. E also mentioned that she is especially looking forward to ending the Passover stretch this evening by feasting on some high-end bread pudding with an unnamed companion.

Please look forward to our follow-up report regarding the fruit salad later this afternoon.

TOP STORY: NO-ROAST-FOR-MEOW Party?

First, there was the Tea Party, then, the Coffee Party, and now...The No-Roast-for-Meow Party?

The Headline News has received an insider tip, regarding the formation of The No-Roast-For-Meow Party. The Party is apparently plotting its initial meeting, and its leader, who remains unknown, is currently drawing up The Party's mission statement.

We have no further details on the matter, but if there is indeed any sort of party going on, we hope to be invited.

No word yet from Head Council Member E, The Council or Citizen Meow regarding their thoughts on the formation of The NRFMP (No-Roast-for-Meow Party.)

We will provide breaking coverage of this story as it unfolds.

TOP STORY: Lord Dreidel assumes a Baron von Dracula-like position!

Breaking news from The Lair!! Lord Dreidel assumed an unusual position, very similar to the trade-marked poses of his fellow Council Member Baron von Dracula. All Council Members were left utterly speechless by this rare display. Our reporter on the scene broke the silence by snapping the following EXCLUSIVE PHOTO:

EXCLUSIVE PHOTO: Lord Dreidel assumes an unusual position!

This occurred at approximately 9:15am this morning, shortly before Head Council Member E was scheduled to leave The Lair. No formal statements were issued, and Lord Dreidel offered no information as to what inspired the unusual pose. As of press time, Lord Dreidel had returned to his usual position, curled up near his post, and is rumored to be engaging in his 3rd nap of the day.