TOP STORY: Scandal afoot as Citizen Meow attempts to sway Head Council Member E!

Dangerous liasions appear to be brewing over at The Lair on this seasonable Thursday...we have received reports that Citizen Meow and Head Council Member E was spotted last evening at a local sushi restaurant. The intention of this meeting was not immediately made clear, although based on our sources, it appears to be recreational, and our source notes that a several vats of hot sake were merrily consumed...could Citizen Meow be plotting to win The Council's favor by wining and dining Head Council Member E???

And the plot thickens....Tails were left wagging as Citizen Meow returned to The Lair after the meal, and proceeded to spend the night. Council relations this morning were rather terse, due to the fact that this unexpected visit prevented The Council from engaging in a meeting, which has been continually postponed since early this week. Citizen Meow offered no comment as he briskly left The Lair early this morning.

Our reporters remain staked out at The Lair, and we will follow-up with more details, as they become available.

BREAKING NEWS: Citizen Meow's probation to be overruled??

Reports have come in that Head Council Member E is in talks to issue a petition to overrule Citizen Meow's probation, due in large part to his impressive contribution to the birthday festivities that took place this past weekend.

For those who have not been following this saga, feel free to peruse our archives, as it is a tale that is sure to keep you on the edge of your seat (if you are sitting in one, that is...). After extensively heated discussions regarding Citizen Meow's loyalty and strength of character, The Council finally decided to allow Citizen Meow to lurk within The Lair under probationary status, although certain members of The Council, who shall not be named, voted to ban him from The Lair, forevermore. This controversy stemmed from a supposed theft, the details of which remain murky and vague. Although relations have been pleasant for the past few weeks, there are reports that Limited Time Offer Skillet has just recently reminded his fellow Council Members Lord Dreidel and Baron von Dracula that he is keeping his supply of feathers and tar handy "just in case of any missteps." Our reporters seem to agree that the tension between Limited Time and Citizen Meow has been rather long-standing, although nobody seems to know exactly where these tensions stem from.

An unconfirmed report indicates that Head Council Member E has plans to approach The Council this evening, with the hopes of convincing them to formal lift the probation placed upon Citizen Meow. Hopefully, her plans to take a nap will not delay this meeting. We will follow up with a full report tomorrow morning.

TOP STORY: Council Meets with Citizen Meow - Tarring and feathering temporarily postponed...

The Council met at The Lair on Friday evening, as planned, for Citizen Meow to make his plea to The Council. Although he made a most moving plea, The Council stand divided as to what to do regarding the situation at large. Head Council Member E has issued a direct order to allow Citizen Meow's status as a Lair Visitor to remain in good standing. Although The Council is forced to abide by this, there are unconfirmed reports that certain Council Members are planning to tar and feather Citizen Meow should he once again offend The Council under any circumstances. The Council will reconvene later this week, to revisit this issue, unless there are other more pressing matters to discuss. Citizen Meow spent a good portion of the weekend at The Lair, largely due to inclimate weather conditions.

We will continue to provide up-to-minute updates regarding this on-going saga.

Happy Monday!

BREAKING NEWS: Citizen Meow accepts "The Call" as Council Prepares...

It appears that Citizen Meow has accepted The Council's call to appear before them and residents of The Lair in a public forum to commence on Friday evening. The Council has begun top secret preparations for the meeting.

In response to Citizen Meow's request, The Council also agreed not to rename him "Citizen Chicken" and according to several reports, both Lord Dreidel and Baron von Dracula take no responsibility for the derogatory moniker, and point tails towards Limited Time Offer Skillet.

The Skillet was unavailable for comment.

BREAKING NEWS: Council Issues Follow-up Statement!

The Council has just issued a follow-up statement, directed towards Citizen Meow. Our reporter on the scene at The Lair has vowed to The Council that he would communicate the message exactly as it was issued, word for word, in the hopes that Citizen Meow, who is rumored to be a regular reader of THN, will respond to their earlier call.

Here is the statement:

"Bawk bawk bawk. BAWK."

The Council Members had no additional comments.

UPDATE: Citizen Meow to be renamed Citizen Chicken?

It appears that Citizen Meow has yet to issued a response statement to The Council's call. Has he fled, in fear and shame? Is a renaming of "Citizen Chicken" in order? The suspense builds on this snowy, slushy Wednesday...

TOP STORY: Council Meeting Postponed: Council Members rebel and "call out" Citizen Meow!

This just in from The Lair - it appears that last night's meeting, involving "Citizen Meow" was postponed by Head Council Member E. However, in a rebellious turn, Council Members Baron von Dracula, Lord Dreidel and Limited Time Offer Skillet have issued a public statement, just moments ago, calling Citizen Meow to The Lair tomorrow evening, to defend his actions in a public forum.

It appears that The Council Members purposely waited until Head Council Member E had left Lair premises in order to issue their statement. Coincidentally, E had invited Citizen Meow to The Lair earlier in the week, for a celebratory feast. However, since Meow had been temporarily banned from The Lair, Head Council Member E was concerned that keeping the date would cause chaos, and a possible mutiny, among the other Council Members. Although she was reluctant to cancel the feast, she also had mixed feelings about defying her fellow Council Members. Conveniently, this meeting, scheduled for Friday evening, should Citizen Meow choose to respond to "the call", will allow C.M. to present his case to The Council, face to face, while also allowing him to partake in the scheduled feast with Head Council Member E.

The question now remains...will Citizen Meow respond to "The Call?"

Stay tuned, dear readers...

Citizen Meow appeals to The Council through comments left on THN!

In a surprising twist of events, Citizen Meow himself has appealed directly to The Council, via a "blog" comment left in reference to our earlier news piece. His compelling and heart-felt plea brought tears to eyes of many of our readers, and has prompted Head Council Member E to take action on his behalf. She is formulating a plan to bring him back into the good graces of her fellow Council Members, although details of this plan are still in the works.

No word yet as to how Council Members Lord Dreidel, Baron von Dracula and Limited Time Offer Skillet, back at The Lair, have responded to Citizen Meow's plea. We are expecting The Council to issue a formal statement by day's end.

Additionally, it is unclear whether Citizen Meow is a genuine follower of The Headline News, or if he is just cleverly making use of our comments section as a platform to present his case to the general public, while simultanously addressing The Council from a safe and remote location.

We can file that under "Things that make you go hmmm...."

We will continue to investigate this matter as this titillating story unfolds.

HOT OFF THE PRESSES!! Tensions soar as The Council debates the fate of Citizen Meow...

An explosive follow-up to our coverage of yesterday's report, regarding The Council's secret meeting to potentially ban Citizen Meow from The Lair...The Council was apparently in talks until 4am this morning, regarding the issue of how to handle Citizen Meow's alledged betrayal of Lair Policy.

Head Council Member E arrived at The Lair last evening, at approximately 7:32pm. Prior to the meeting, she took some time to make some experimental tasty treats, among them a salad with honey lime dressing, candied ginger and walnuts, and a lemon potato salad with pickles and capers. The Council began its meeting shortly before 11:00pm. While the specific details of Citizen Meow's betrayal remain vague, it is clear that his actions will have severe consequences, for all Lair Dwellers and Council Members alike.

Our reporter on the scene was not permitted to observe The Council's secret meeting, as is the custom for The Council to meet in complete seclusion. However, it appears that The Council Members are completely divided as to what action should be taken. Baron von Dracula suggested that Citizen Meow be tarred and feathered in a public forum, as punishment for his actions, and to demonstrate to the other Lair Dwellers that The Council "means business" when it comes to Lair Policy.

"Limited Time Offer" Skillet was in favor of permenantly banning Citizen Meow from The Lair until further notice. Head Council Member E attempted to defend Citizen Meow, which lead to heated debate among all Council Members, except for Lord Dreidel, who spent most of the meeting pondering the issues while snacking (which is his usual position.)

The Council reached no conclusions, and will reconvene shortly to discuss the matter further. However, Council Members did agree that Citizen Meow is to be banned from The Lair until a decision is reached.

The formerly pressing issue of The Pink Flamingo Slipper's bold petition to join the ranks of the esteemed Council has been tabled until the issue of Citizen Meow has been resolved.

We will continue to provide EXCLUSIVE updates on this spine-tingling piece, as they become available.

BREAKING NEWS: Citizen Meow on Probation!

Citizen Meow - File photo (THN)

Emerging reports from Lair 5-I are coming into THN headquarters, and it appears The Council is in talks, regarding one "Citizen Meow." Due to an apparent theft at The Lair, The Council may vote to put him on probationary status. Head Council Member E was not present at the informal meeting that transpired just moments ago, but the other three Council Members are planning to present their evidence to her later on this evening. Specific details regarding what exactly happened with Citizen Meow have not yet been released, but it is known that Citizen Meow is a frequent visitor to The Lair, and has a history of civil, even friendly relations with The Council, in general. However, it is uncertain as to what this new development may lead to, in regards to future relations between Citizen Meow and The Council, at large.

We will provide continuing coverage of this breaking story, as details become available.