It's that time of year again...this Sunday marks Head Council Member E's birthday, and The Council is preparing for the festvities as we speak. An entire weekend of fun and excitement is planned, and even Citizen Meow has a few surprises up his sleeve (or so we have heard...)
Our reporters have managed to piece together the following intel, as of press time:
Tonight: Lobster dinner in Chelsea, with a possible visit to Trailer Park, an old-time favorite of E's, which she has not been to "in ages."
Saturday: Plans are unknown, although there are reports of a celebratory dinner in store for E.
Sunday: Birthday brunch, lots of mimosas, and an abundance of...PRESENTS!! We hope...
The Council is standing by, to greet E as soon as she gets home tonight with snuggles and purrs.
Is it unknown how old E will be turning, but if you haven't seen her lately, rest assured that she doesn't look a day older than 22.
We will provide a complete follow-up report on Monday.
Happy Birthday E!
Love, The Headline News
Friday, March 12, 2010
Thursday, March 11, 2010
TOP STORY: Council Pleas go ignored!
In a shockingly unusual turn of events from The Lair, it appears that The Council's plea for Head Council Member E to remain at Lair Headquarters was completely ignored, as she prepared for departure earlier this morning.
Lord Dreidel, in particular, did his best to restrain her on the bed, by settling upon his chest, and directing his full body weight (which is indeed notably significant) towards the efforts. However, E was able to overcome Lord Dreidel's efforts, while Baron von Dracula observed the activity from his favorite spot on the couch. Just moments before she was to leave the premises, the Baron made a last ditch effort to keep E at the Lair, by sprawling out in an extremely unusual pose, which was obviously crafted to cause a ruse. While this attempt did indeed cause momentary alarm, E promptly left the premises after she investigated the situation, and determined that The Baron was not in need of medical attention.
Although The Council has yet to issue a formal statement, our reporter on the scene claims that the apparent threat of rain seems to be the motivation behind The Council's actions. Although it should be noted that Limited Time Offer Skillet took no part in the attempts to keep E at The Lair. We are currently awaiting a statement from E herself, and we will update you as soon as it becomes available.
Lord Dreidel, in particular, did his best to restrain her on the bed, by settling upon his chest, and directing his full body weight (which is indeed notably significant) towards the efforts. However, E was able to overcome Lord Dreidel's efforts, while Baron von Dracula observed the activity from his favorite spot on the couch. Just moments before she was to leave the premises, the Baron made a last ditch effort to keep E at the Lair, by sprawling out in an extremely unusual pose, which was obviously crafted to cause a ruse. While this attempt did indeed cause momentary alarm, E promptly left the premises after she investigated the situation, and determined that The Baron was not in need of medical attention.
Although The Council has yet to issue a formal statement, our reporter on the scene claims that the apparent threat of rain seems to be the motivation behind The Council's actions. Although it should be noted that Limited Time Offer Skillet took no part in the attempts to keep E at The Lair. We are currently awaiting a statement from E herself, and we will update you as soon as it becomes available.
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
TOP STORY: Mysterious odor invades The Lair!
Reports of a mysterious and foul odor at The Lair are emerging. The Council is currently on the case, investigating the premises. The origin of this odor is currently unknown, but Head Council Member E offered the following statement:
"I hope it is Citizen Meow's socks, instead of a decomposing rodent."
No further information is available at this time, but we will keep you posted, as updates become available.
"I hope it is Citizen Meow's socks, instead of a decomposing rodent."
No further information is available at this time, but we will keep you posted, as updates become available.
Tuesday, March 9, 2010
TOP STORY: Esther ponders lunch...
It appears that Esther has plans to leave for lunch momentarily, but is still uncertain as to where she will be heading. Updates to follow, as soon as they become available.
Happy Tuesday!
Happy Tuesday!
Monday, March 8, 2010
Smokes! Snacks! Seats! New 7-11 opens! Hurray!
It's here, at last!! The new 7-11 appears to have opened, on 8th Avenue, off the corner of 37th Street. E was spotted a short while ago, making her debut visit, and our reporter on the scene noted that her purchases included a hazelnut coffee, a rice pudding snack and a pack of Newports.
E, who rarely carries cash on her (largely because she has none), is particularly pleased by the convenience of now being able to buy cigarettes with a credit or debit card. She is also thrilled by the coffee selection, as well as the lovely assortment of tasty creamers to complement the brew.
The new establishment is vast and bright, offers mezzanine seating, perfect for grabbing a quick bite, or to take a peaceful break from the daily grind, with a cup of coffee and a sudoku. This is indeed a much-welcome improvement to the neighborhood and the local community at large.
The Council, back at The Lair, has yet to issue a statement regarding the opening. We will keep you posted throughout the day, should they choose to speak.
TOP STORY: The Council is disgruntled by yet another Monday...
Spirits were low this morning at The Lair, as Head Council Member E stirred from her slumber in order to face yet another Monday, head-on. Lord Dreidel and Baron von Dracula were standing by as E prepared to venture forth. Preparations were brief, as time was of the essence. The mood was somber, and the lighting, dim. All Council Members declined to comment on the proceedings.
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