Cigarette bummers run rampant as E is approached for a cigarette TWICE in the span of an hour across 2 boroughs!!

In an unusual turn of events, E was approached this morning, not once, but TWICE, by strangers requesting cigarettes on the street. The first incident occurred on Lincoln Road, at approximately 9:44 am, when a middle-aged woman, who often wanders the block, approached her while she was smoking on a bench in front of the local coffee shop. Although E had a mostly full pack, she anticipated a long evening of drinking and socializing, so she told the woman that she was smoking her last one. Once in Manhattan, she was approached yet again, on a street corner, at approximately 10:29 am. This time, the culprit was a woman who appeared to be in her mid to late 20s, wearing a knit cap. Again, E politely stated that she was smoking her last cigarette, and continued on her way. E offered the following the statement to our reporter on the scene:

"I don't know if people realize how expensive cigarettes are these days...I used to believe in karma, and would give cigarettes out more freely, but my economic situation has put me in a far more precariously position. Although I feel bad about lying about the status of my my pack, I feel that it is far more polite to say that I am smoking the last one, then to offer a flat-out 'NO - go away.' By the same token, I myself have not attempted to bum a cigarette from a stranger in a really long time. The urge is there, believe me - but I have resisted the temptation. I have considered petitioning The Council to assist me in lobbying for a decrease in the cost of the cigarettes, but I realize that we have bigger fish to fry for the foreseeable future. Additionally, I am shocked that I was approached both in Brooklyn and in the city. The plight of the smoker is something that few people truly recognize...why can't I smoke my cigarette in peace? Is that too much to ask? Is it?"

While our reporter assumed that E's question was one of a rhetorical nature, hee questioning gaze prompted him to thank her for the quote, and to scurry off around the corner of 7th Avenue and 38th Street.

The Council has issued no formal statement on the matter, and we have received no additional reports of cigarette bummers in the immediate vicinity.

TOP STORY: Scandal afoot as Citizen Meow attempts to sway Head Council Member E!

Dangerous liasions appear to be brewing over at The Lair on this seasonable Thursday...we have received reports that Citizen Meow and Head Council Member E was spotted last evening at a local sushi restaurant. The intention of this meeting was not immediately made clear, although based on our sources, it appears to be recreational, and our source notes that a several vats of hot sake were merrily consumed...could Citizen Meow be plotting to win The Council's favor by wining and dining Head Council Member E???

And the plot thickens....Tails were left wagging as Citizen Meow returned to The Lair after the meal, and proceeded to spend the night. Council relations this morning were rather terse, due to the fact that this unexpected visit prevented The Council from engaging in a meeting, which has been continually postponed since early this week. Citizen Meow offered no comment as he briskly left The Lair early this morning.

Our reporters remain staked out at The Lair, and we will follow-up with more details, as they become available.

TOP STORY: Council meeting derailed by bread-baking!

A shocking development in our on-going coverage involving The Council's scheduled meeting last evening...it appears that the meeting was once again postponed, due to Head Council Member E's attempt to bake a loaf of bread. The loaf in question took much longer than originally anticipated, and E was so thoroughly exhausted from her efforts that she retired shortly after the loaf emerged from the oven. Our reporter on the scene managed to cleverly snap the following EXCLUSIVE PHOTO early this morning:

The Culprit! (homemade bread)

The bread in question is a homemade loaf, with sun-dried tomato and asiago and parmesan cheese. Head Council Member E has confirmed plans to eat some of the bread later this evening, when she returns to The Lair.

Our reporter reports that Council Members Baron von Dracula and Lord Dreidel spent most of the evening at rest while waiting for the meeting that never transpired. Baron von Dracula briefly took position perched on the couch, in anticipation of the meeting, but as the night wore on, he retired to his cushion, where he assumed an unusual position, and took a nap. Limited Time Offer Skillet was not seen, and it is assumed that he remains in hiding, presumably in The Culinary Wing of The Lair.

Baron von Dracula waits, in vain...

No Council Members were available for comment, and no statement has been issued as to when the meeting will be rescheduled. It is also uncertain at this time whether or not there will be any bread for Citizen Meow.

BREAKING NEWS: Statement from The Council...

In response to a reader comment, The Council has just issued the following statement:

"In addition to NO ROAST FOR MEOW, there will also be no steak for Meow and NO PARADE FOR MEOW. We will not 'provide no roast.' There will simply BE no roast. For Meow. FOREVER."

Wow...it sounds like The Council means business...Is another round of probation on the horizon for ole' Citizen Meow? Stay tuned...

TOP STORY: Council meets to schedule their next meeting...

This just in, from The Lair...our associate on the scene confirms that The Council held a secret late night meeting, which concluded at approximately 2:00 am, this morning. The sole purpose of the meeting was the set a day and time for their next meeting, a lengthy one in which they will address a number of looming issues. Unfortunately, The Council was unable to agree as to exactly when this meeting would be held, so they shall meet again tonight, in the hopes of coming to an agreement.

Representative Baron von Dracula issued the following statement:

"The Council recognizes that a formal meeting is long overdue. We hope to come to decision tonight, as to when we will meet, to discuss and argue about several matters that have been on the table, lurking and festering, like a moldy green orange."

We have gotten the inside scoop on a few of the matters that will be broached at this fabled meeting. The Council has yet to decide what punishment awaits Council Member Limited Time Offer Skillet. Head Council Member E has plans to present her proposal regarding the elimination of Mondays from the calendar. The Council also plans to discuss their continued efforts to provide NO ROAST FOR MEOW. This will be especially challenging, as the upcoming Passover festivities are sure to provide more roast than usual, and The Culinary Wing of The Lair will undoubtedly be stocked with roast that Citizen Meow make attempt to stealthily treat himself to, in a moment of weakness and hunger.

The Council has not yet confirmed a time for tonight's meeting, and it's safe to assume that their formal meeting will be scheduled for later this week or early next week. Chances of a weekend meeting are slim, since The Council usually prefers to engage in more leisurely activities on the weekends. However, an emergency weekend/picnic may be declared if no agreement can be reached.

We will keep you posted on this story as it unfolds...

TOP STORY: Head Council Member E to form a coalition to eradicate Mondays

After an unfortunate string of occurences that occurred this morning and afternoon, Head Council Member E has developed a plan to initiate a coalition to official ban Mondays from the calendar. E plans to seek The Council's cooperation on the matter. Although our reporting staff is still piecing together the events that caused this revolutionary decision, so far, we have deduced the following:

1. E wakes up this morning, and it is grim and rainy.
2. she wakes up late, is out of cigarettes, and has no time to make coffee before departing from The Lair for the day
3. The bodega was out of Newports, which caused her to have to cross the street, and wait on an annoying line at the pharmacy, before getting a pack.
4. Of the three Metrocard vending machines at the station, not one of them was accepting credit or debit cards, so she missed her train while trying to scrounge for the change needed to put enough money on her card to pay her fair (it is a well-known fact that E rarely carries cash, since she really doesn't have any, as most of her earning go to maintaining The Lair.)
5. In the city, still raining.
6. Late to work, where an unusually dreary atmosphere lurked about.
7. Vegetable dumplings for lunch came accompanied by a substandard dipping sauce, which tasted suspiciously like soy sauce, instead of the tastier and more vibrant variety of special dumpling sauce.
8. The day is dragging, and an unexplainably urge for home-made apple pie has gone completely unfufilled.

For these reasons, E has decided that Mondays should be completed eliminated from the calendar. She issued the following

"Mondays have traditionally been rife with woe, despair, and bad luck in general. I feel that The Council would be doing the entire universe an incredible service by
spear-heading the coliltion to get rid of Mondays...FORVER!"

The Council has not yet been made away of E's plans, and she has not yet specified when they would be approached. She may wait for the controversy involving Limited Time Offer Skillet to simmer down (ha?) before she broaches The Council with this pressing matter.

It is also unclear as to whether Monday will be replaced by an entirely new day, or if Sunday will be doubled, or essentially repeated, hence resulting in a 7-day week, with 2 Sundays, to be immediately followed by Tuesday.

We welcome our readers thoughts and comments on this controversial matter, and we will provide up-to-the-minute updates on this story, as they become available.

Limited Time Offer Skillet returns to The Lair after extended unauthorized leave!

BREAKING NEWS from The Lair...our reporter reports that Limited Time Offer Skillet has just now returned to The Lair, and all chaos has broken loose, although it appears that no one has noticed his absence up until the moment his attempted to sneak back into Lair Headquarters. There are rumours that Council Member Baron von Dracula has actually moved from his warm cozy spot on the couch in attempt to lunge at LTO. The Skillet has since taken refuge in an undisclosed cabinet of the culinary wing of The Lair, and he offered no comment concerning his disappearance. In order to demonstrate his dismay, Baron von Dracula proceeded to toss some sundry items around The Lair, such as magazines, boxes, papers and shoes. This was done to demonstrate to Head Council Member E that there is general discontentment in the lair, and it has been deemed by The Baron that this drastic act serves as the quickest method of communicating the general discontentment to the Head Council Member, since chances are high that both Baron von Dracula and Lord Dreidel will be napping when Head Council Member E returns to The Lair later this evening. Citizen Meow may be called upon to clean up the mess, once its greater purpose has been accomplished.

The Baron has also summoned Lord Dreidel for an inpromptu meeting concerning the matter, and as of press time, they have yet to emerge from their chambers, which would indicate that they are still discussing the matter at paw. We are currently awaiting a formal statement, from The Council, and a formal meeting has been set for later tonight, where all Council Members will deliberate the fate of Limited Time Offer Skillet.